Ah, the airport bus. What a joyful experience.
I’ll stand by the wall over here, just inside the door. I’m young and mobile. Alright, I’m not, but I can still remember when I was. Other people can have the seats, I don’t need one.
And over here I can get off fairly quickly. Cool.
There’s an elbow in my ribs now. And that’s a suitcase smacking against my knee. Wait for it…. Yep, armpit in the face. Splendid.
OK, here we are. Aaaaand it’s the doors on the other side of the bus. Perfect.
Never mind, eh. As long as we get there.
Today, though, there’ll surely be no airport buses for me.
Not today, oh no. It’s first class today.
First class, baby! Yeah!
First class all the way!
Some first class grub and a first class cocktail. I don’t care if it’s early, I’m not working.
This is what the snooty Lufthansa attendant who raised her eyebrows at me when I asked for a gin and tonic yesterday doesn’t understand. I’m not on board because I’ve just taken a vow of abstinence. I don’t want to start a detox diet when I take my seat.
Just what is it that you want to do?
Well, we wanna be free, we wanna be free to do what we wanna do
And we wanna get loaded and we wanna have a good time
And that’s what we’re gonna do
We’re gonna have a good time, we’re gonna have a party
If you’re now lost, you don’t know what you’re missing. Look it up. Go on, I’ll wait.
Ok then. We continue.
First class seat at the pointy end of the Qatar A380. 98000 Avios for this little trip, but that’s better than the £4250 ticket price.
First class amenity kit. First class bathroom. First class view.
First class cocktail, what can I say?
First class glass of Krug while I peruse the first class menu.
First class caviar with a first class movie.
Third class photo of First class prawns.
First class, um, cress… on a big yellow…. ravioli? …. on some orange stuff?
I don’t recognise it, but this is how the other half live.
First class lamb, I know where I am now. Nice.
Alright then, first class lounge.
First class brown things.
First class dayroom.
First class TV lounge.
More first class dining.
At last, time to board the (sort of) first class (because it’s short haul and it’s really just business dressed up as first) flight from Doha to Muscat.
But wait. What horror is this? A bus? For me? But I’m first class. Surely some mistake?
I’m the prince today, not the pauper. I demand excellence!
Guards, take them away!
Oh, wait, hold on. Oh wow, look at that!
It’s a first class bus!
What? I’ve never heard of that!
Look at it, it has leather armchairs! That’s ridiculous!
Pretty cool though.
Now then, where’s the butler!